By Carol Church, Writer, Family Album

Reviewed by Donna Davis, PhD, University of Oregon, Portland School of Journalism and Communication

It’s a familiar experience just to about all of us: you’re trying to explain something, talk about your day, or just a share a bit of conversation with someone, but it seems like he or she just isn’t paying attention. “Uh huh,” your companion mumbles– eyes not on you, but on that darn smartphone. “Sorry. Just a sec.” Argh!

Our Cell Phones: Driving our Partners Nuts

These frustrating moments are bad enough when the offender is a friend or coworker, but they can feel even worse when the person ignoring us is our spouse or partner. In fact, in a 2014 survey by the Pew Research Center looking at the impact of technology on relationships, partners’ distraction by cell phones was by far the most common relationship concern associated with technology. A full 25% of cell phone owners in relationships reported that their partners had recently been distracted by their phones when the two of them were spending time together. (When we consider that 93% of partnered adults own cell phones, this represents nearly a quarter of all relationships!) The problem was even more frequent for couples aged 18 to 29.

Internet Use: Not an Issue

However, while cell phone use seems to be a point of contention, the survey otherwise uncovered little friction around Internet habits. Less than 10% of partnered adults say they argue with their partner about how much time he or she spends online, and under 5% report having been “upset” by a partner’s online activities. Such problems did again seem to be more common among younger people, though.

And on the flip side, many adults–especially those who are younger—also believe that technology has been helpful to their relationships. About 20% say that texting or instant messaging with a partner enhances closeness. A few even say they work things out through texts that they can’t work out in person.

Overall: Technology Not a Big Deal?

Overall, however, we seem to think technology isn’t that big or meaningful of a presence in our romantic lives. Almost three-quarters of partnered adults told Pew that the Internet has had no real effect on their relationships. (I wonder if they weren’t thinking about cell phones as the “Internet” when they answered this!)

Of those who did say it had an impact, about three-quarters said the effect was positive. Twenty percent said it was negative, and only 4% thought its effects were mixed. Once again, an age difference was noticeable, with younger people far more likely to say the Internet had affected their relationships in some way (either positive or negative) than those in their 30s and beyond.

With technology so prominent in our daily lives, it’s interesting to see that most of us believe it isn’t really having much of an impact on relationships. Maybe this suggests that we’re still able to put media aside when it comes to our most important partnerships.

However, it’s noticeable that the younger adults in this sample answered many of these questions quite differently than those over 30–and certainly, than those over 55. As cell phones and technology become even more central to our lives, our feelings about how our love lives intertwine with technology are likely to evolve in new and as yet, unpredictable ways.

(Photo credit: Untitled by Leon Fishman. CC BY 2.0. Cropped.)

References:

Lenhart, A., & Duggan, M. Couples, the Internet, and social media. Retrieved from http://www.pewinternet.org/2014/02/11/couples-the-internet-and-social-media/

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