By Carol Church, Writer, Family Album
Reviewed by Michael Gutter, PhD, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida
We’re approaching the most chocolate-covered, flower-strewn holiday of the year: Valentine’s Day. If you’re like many people in relationships, you might be experiencing some uncertainty, anxiety, or even dread regarding the question of what to get your significant other. Americans pay plenty for V-day; last year, the average person spent about $130, inclusive of gifts, dinner, and so on. Half of us bought candy, about a third gave flowers, and about 20% spent on jewelry. Of note, men tend to spend considerably more than women.
Does Gift Cost Really Matter?
But do you really need to “splash out” on your spouse or partner this holiday? While this study didn’t specifically look at the fraught February event, recent research in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggests that for many gift-giving occasions, it probably really is the thought that counts. Using three small studies, researchers looked at an interesting difference in beliefs and feelings between those receiving gifts and those giving them.
Springing for a Fancy Gift Might Not Pay
In the first study, recently engaged men and women were asked (anonymously!) about the bride-to-be’s engagement ring, its cost, and how much the woman appreciated it and felt thankful and pleased about it. Men assumed that women’s appreciation would be tied to the cost of the ring–figuring that the more they spent, the more appreciative and grateful their future wives felt. But this just wasn’t the case. For women, the amount they assumed their fiancés had spent on the ring wasn’t closely linked to level of appreciation.
Recipients Think Differently than Gift-Givers
And in two other experiments, people thought about (real or imagined) gifts they’d either given or received, and their cost. Again, they were asked about relative enjoyment of the presents. And once again, gift givers assumed recipients would generally enjoy pricier presents more. Yet those who got the gifts, or imagined getting them, really didn’t feel the same way. (It’s worth noting that the experimenters used a technique to make sure that people weren’t just answering these questions the way they “thought” they should in order to look good. )
As gift-givers (and Valentine’s Day celebrators!), what can we take from these findings? The authors suggest that we focus on a piece of old, but good advice: consider your recipient and give with thought, rather than relying on spending a lot of money to make an impression. It seems that many of us are happy to receive a gift, period, and don’t judge so much on cost.
I don’t know about you, but this advice resonates with me. On Valentine’s Day, I’m happy to receive a bit of chocolate, a handmade card from my children, or a bouquet of hand-picked flowers. Enjoy the holiday!
(Photo credit: Simply Love by MAMJODH. CC BY 2.0. Cropped.)
Reference:
Flynn, F. J., & Adams, G. S. (2009). Money can’t buy love: Asymmetric beliefs about gift price and feelings of appreciation. Journal of Experimental Social Pyschology, 45, 404-409. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2008.11.003
Grannis, K. (2014). Consumers keep budgets in check this Valentine’s Day. Retrieved from https://nrf.com/media/press-releases/consumers-keep-budgets-check-this-valentines-day-according-nrf
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