By Carol Church, Writer, Family Album
Reviewed by David Diehl, PhD, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida, and Suzanna Smith, PhD, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida
“Dude. Why are you always following us around?”
“Did you hear what she did with him in the back of the bus?”
“Are you seriously wearing that?”
This is Relational Aggression
Many of us probably heard comments like this at some point during our childhood or teen years. While some might just consider this typical kid behavior, or (more accurately) bullying, researchers actually have a more specific term for remarks like these. They call it “relational aggression.”
Relational aggression includes humiliating and cruel comments, teasing, spreading rumors, and social rejection and exclusion. While it may not be as obvious or easily identifiable as physical bullying, it certainly can hurt. And it can take place online as well as in person.
RA in the Media
Like physical bullying, relational aggression is frequently depicted on TV and in movies. Unfortunately, characters who use relational aggression in screen media are often likable and attractive. What’s more, relational aggression is commonly portrayed as justified. This is concerning when we think about young people who are watching, since research suggests that their behavior and beliefs are often affected by what they see in the media.
Does Parents’ Guidance Matter?
A recent study took a look at about 100 children in grades three through six to find out how seeing relational aggression on TV might affect them. The children were asked to list their favorite TV shows and favorite movies and how often they watched them. They also rated how often characters in the shows and movies used relational aggression, such as spreading rumors or giving each other the silent treatment.
Importantly, parents of the children were also asked how often they talked with their children about the movies and TV the kids watched. The researchers wanted to know whether moms and dads might be able to prevent kids from developing these problematic attitudes by discussing these behaviors with them.
Children who watched relationally aggressive shows more often were indeed more likely to condone this kind of bullying. For instance, they were more likely to agree with statements like “It’s okay to tell your friend not to be friends with someone you don’t like.”
However, it did seem that parents had a key role to play in helping their children learn that this kind of behavior isn’t okay. When the same children were tested again a year later, children whose parents had talked to them about what they watched showed less approval of relational aggression than kids whose parents weren’t having these kinds of discussions.
More Help for Parents
What’s the take-home from this study for moms and dads? First, parents need to make sure kids know that relational aggression is bullying, and that it’s not acceptable. Talk to them about stepping up for others if they see it in action. For more tips, check out stopbullying.gov.
Next, remember to set a positive example for your kids with your own behavior. Don’t speak negatively about other people in front of your children. Instead, model kindness, cooperation, and good friendship skills. For more on positive role modeling and how to handle relational aggression issues if they come up, try this publication from The Colorado Trust.
Finally, make sure that what your children watch is appropriate for their age. If a show or movie seems too high in relational aggression, choose something different, and tell your children why. The resources at Common Sense Media can help parents locate positive options. And if you see relational aggression in in the shows and movies your child watch, talk about it! Tell your children that it’s not acceptable to act like this, and why. While it may not always feel like it, your input really matters, and your kids are listening.
(Photo credit: TV, Because It Is So Much Fun by Randen Pederson. CC BY 2.0. Cropped.)
Further Reading
Common Sense Media Editors’ Picks for Movies and TV–TV shows and movies selected by a team of editors for their positive messages and kid-friendly appeal.
How to Talk About Bullying–from stopbullying.gov
Bullying Prevention Resource Guide–from The Colorado Trust
References:
Lindner, J. R., & Werner, N. E. (2012). Relationally aggressive media exposure and children’s normative beliefs: Does parental
mediation matter? Family Relations, 61, 488-500. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2012.00707.x
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