By Carol Church, Writer, Family Album
Reviewed by Victor Harris, PhD, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida
I have a good friend who surprised her friends, coworkers, and even her family by steadfastly refusing to move in with her long-term boyfriend before they got married. Was she religious or traditional? No. Actually, she’d heard about research linking cohabitation to poor marriage outcomes. It sounded like it made sense to her…so she waited.
The New Norm
Of course, my friend’s choice would have been standard a few generations ago. Today, however, “living together” is much more the norm than the exception, with the majority of adults having cohabited at some point. As this living option has become more and more common, research findings have become more nuanced. In fact, some studies now suggest that there’s no longer any clear connection between cohabitation and the likelihood of divorce.
With that said, though, does the reason you decide to “shack up” with your significant other affect how things go? For example, some couples decide to move in together to lower their costs. In other cases, cohabiting is done because it solves problems, like bringing together couples separated by distance. And then, of course, many people decide to share a space because they view this as a “test drive” for marriage.
Motivations Matter
In a 2014 study, researchers looked at how various reasons for moving in together affected four key elements of a relationship. About 280 cohabitors first indicated why they had moved in together. Was it to spend more time together, to “test out” the relationship further, or to enhance convenience?
The men and women then rated how committed and satisfied they felt with the relationship—and, on the flip side, how ambivalent they felt about it, and how much conflict there was.
Test Drive? Not So Fast
People who had moved in together because they wanted to spend more time with their partner fared the best, scoring high on satisfaction and commitment and low on feelings of ambivalence and conflict. Things weren’t as rosy for those who’d moved in to make things more convenient. These people scored lower on the positive measures, and higher on the negative ones.
And, perhaps surprisingly to some, those who were living together to “test drive” a relationship also didn’t seem to be too happy—again scoring low on positive relationship characteristics and high on negative ones, especially ambivalence.
For couples who are wondering whether to pack up their stuff and combine households, this research offers an interesting perspective. Are you looking to make things easier on yourself…or to see whether he or she is really “the one”? Or do you simply want to spend more time with the person you love?
While your answer isn’t (of course) a guarantee of anything, it may provide some helpful insight into how things might go for you and your significant other if you do make that choice to share a living space.
(Photo credit: Moving Day by Cambodia4Kids Beth Kanter. CC BY 2.0. Cropped.)
References:
Chiung, C-Y., Curran, M., & Arroyo, A. Cohabitors’ Reasons for Living Together, Satisfaction with Sacrifices, and Relationship Quality. Marriage and Family Review, 50, 598-620. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2014.938289
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