Is Cupid’s Arrow Bad? Expectations and St. Valentine’s Day

By Victor Harris, PhD, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida
Reviewed by Suzanna Smith, PhD, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida
Valentine_Red_Maori_Heart This post is part of our Valentine’s Day 2014 series: a week of posts in honor of St. Valentine’s Day!

 

When my son was in elementary school, he asked me one Valentine’s Day if Cupid’s arrow was bad. I laughed, and told him I had never heard it phrased that way before. He then expressed that he was worried because his teacher had told them in class that day that if they were ever hit by “Cupid’s arrow,” then they would fall in love. My son’s concern? He blurted out, “If I get hit by Cupid’s arrow, then I have to fall in love with a girl, dad–and that’s gross!”

A Brief History of Valentine’s Day

For many people, this highly commercialized holiday, Valentine’s Day, represents this same kind of pressure to have to fall in love or be in love with someone. But it wasn’t always this way. St. Valentine’s Day began in the second century A.D. when a number of Christian clergy who were surnamed Valentine were martyred, later to be venerated as Saints. Until the 14th Century, St. Valentine’s Day commemorated these martyrs but was never associated with romance. It was Geoffrey Chaucer’s 1382 poem, Parlement of Foules, that first linked Valentine’s Day with love.

During the Victorian period, sending Valentine’s cards (named after the martyr, St. Valentine) with a few lines of heartfelt poetry was the preferred method for making sure that you and your darling were blissfully twitterpated. It wasn’t until the latter part of the 20th century that chocolate and other gifts began to be included by merchants with these little sonnets of adoration. Today, over 190 million Valentine’s cards are mailed and distributed in America each year.

So What About Cupid’s Arrow?

So, what can you do if you are single and you haven’t been hit by Cupid’s arrow recently? Or, what if you’re newly dating, and feeling uneasy about pressure to be in a relationship or fall in love? Similarly, what if you’re married and are feeling some stress about making Valentine’s Day an extra-special day?

Whether or not we enjoy the day or feel disappointment on Valentine’s Day or other holidays may simply come down to our expectations. If you are single, the realization that you don’t have to fall in love or be in love to be happy is a great way to let go of worries and avoid letdown on Valentine’s Day. Instead, why not make the day one you enjoy by doing something fun for yourself?

For those who are married or in a serious relationship, talking about and agreeing upon your Valentine’s Day plans is a good way to avoid disappointment. Being aware of our own expectations and making these known while being willing to negotiate them are all good strategies for keeping Cupid’s arrow in its proper place. In other words, you have the power to make Valentine’s Day a celebration that plays out on your own terms, and not on someone else’s.

(Photo credit: 133/365 Cupid by martinak15. CC License.)

References:

Morse, K., & Neuberg (2006). How do holidays influence relationship processes and outcomes? Examining the instigating and catalytic effects of Valentine’s Day. Personal Relationships, 11(4), 509-527.

Harris, V.W. (2010). Marriage tips & traps: 10 Secrets for nurturing your marital friendship. Plymouth, MI: Hayden-McNeil.

Valentine’s Day (n.d.). Wikipedia. Retrieved February 11, 2014 from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine’s_Day

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Posted: February 12, 2014


Category: Relationships & Family, Work & Life
Tags: Health And Wellness, Healthy Relationships


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