By Carol Church, Writer, Family Album

Reviewed by Heidi Radunovich, PhD, Department of Family, Youth, and Community Sciences, University of Florida

This post is part of our Valentine’s Day 2014 series: a week of posts in honor of St. Valentine’s Day!

A bottle of wine, a nice dinner out, a bouquet of flowers….hmm. If you’re anything like me, you enjoy the typical Valentine’s Day offerings, but sometimes wonder whether you and your spouse might be in a bit of a rut when it comes to this holiday. (…Come to think of it, didn’t we just go out to that restaurant last month?)

So how about trying something different this year? Maybe the two of you could drive to a neighboring city you haven’t visited, take a class together in something you’ve never tried, or try something new together–even something small like roller skating. If you’re thinking that these suggestions sound a bit wacky, consider that there’s some relationship science behind them. According to some researchers, boredom may be a real enemy of strong marriages.

In one small study, researchers surveyed about 120 married couples, asking them whether they felt they “[did] the same things all the time” and “rarely [got] to do exciting things together” (Tsapelas, Aron, & Orbuch, 2009, p. 543). The men and women also rated how close they felt to their partners and how satisfied they were in their marriages.

Nine years later, couples who’d indicated that their lives together were in a rut or low on fun in the first survey were significantly less satisfied than couples who’d said their marriages were higher in excitement.

Having fun and doing more interesting things together seemed to increase these couples’ closeness, which upped their relationship satisfaction. What’s more, this connection was found regardless of the level of tension and conflict couples reported in their marriages. Even when things were otherwise harmonious and calm, a lack of fun and excitement decreased marital satisfaction.

These findings tie into the theory of “self-expansion,” which holds that people tend to be happier when learning and experiencing new things.

Fortunately, every couple should be able to find fun, life-expanding experiences they can do together to help keep their marriage close. While roller skating may not be for you, maybe wine tasting is.

(Image credit: DSC07077 by Carla McNeil. CC license.)

Reference:

Tsapelas, I., Aron, A., & Orbuch, T. (2009). Marital boredom now predicts less satisfaction 9 years later. Psychological Science, 20(5), 543-545. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.x

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