Building Developmental Relationships with Youth

Developmental relationships (supportive relationships with caring adults) are one of the four key components in 4-H programs that help young people thrive emotionally, socially, and cognitively. Through these relationships, youth develop skills and abilities, discover who they are, and learn how to contribute to their communities in a meaningful way. Developmental relationships are expressed through mutual warmth, respect, trust, and fairness. The Search Institute (https://searchinstitute.org/) provides five elements that adults can use in working with youth to help nurture and strengthen those developmental relationships.

Express Care

Through expressing care, you show youth that they are important to you. Care is expressed through specific actions including:

1. Being dependable – For youth to know you care, they must see you as someone they can trust.
2. Listening – Listening is more than hearing words. It is giving your full attention when youth are with and talking to youth.
3. Believing in them – Youth need to know that they are valued.
4. Being warm – Youth long to know that you enjoy being with them, which you show through your interactions with them.
5. Encouraging them – While they may brush it off, youth need your praise, not just for their achievements, but for their efforts t00.

Challenge Growth

You can challenge youth to grow by pushing them to keep getting better. In 4-H, our motto is ‘To Make the Best Better.’ We need to encourage youth to always strive to live out the 4-H motto. You can challenge youth to grow through:

1. Expecting the best out of youth – Challenge youth to grow by expecting and encouraging them to live up to their potential.
2. Stretching youth – Encourage youth to go further in whatever they are doing. Don’t let them stop at minimal effort but push them to go a bit further.
3. Holding youth accountable – Make youth take responsibility for their actions.
4. Reflecting on failures – We all make mistakes. Help youth understand that mistakes and setbacks, while temporarily negative, can lead to great growth and learning.

Provide Support

Providing support helps youth complete tasks and achieve the goals they have set for themselves. Show your support by:

1. Navigating – Youth often have limited experiences. You can support them by providing guidance through tricky situations and systems.
2. Empowering – Youth need your support in helping build confidence that they control their lives.
3. Advocating – Youth need to know that they have your support and that you will be there for them when they need it.
4. Setting boundaries – Though they may not appear to, youth appreciate adults who put limits on them to keep them on track and safe.

Share Power

While we may feel we know best as adults, youth need their ideas to be heard and need to know that they can express their thoughts and feelings. Power is shared when we:

1. Respect youth – Youth need to feel as if they are being treated fairly and that their thoughts and ideas are taken seriously.
2. Include youth – Youth need to be a part of decisions that affect them. Sharing in the decision-making process not only empowers youth but also leads to buy-in of the issue.
3. Collaborate with youth – Youth have endless ideas. Instead of doing for them, work with youth to solve problems and help them reach their goals.
4. Let youth lead – Provide opportunities for youth to act and lead. The 4-H process of ‘learn by doing’ provides a way for youth to participate in leading.

Expand Possibilities

The experiences youth have had may not be broad. You can expand their possibilities by connecting them with people and places unknown to them to help broaden those experiences and, thereby, their world. Help youth expand their possibilities through:

1. Inspiring youth – Help youth imagine their possibilities for the future. Ask questions, provide suggestions, and help them think beyond today.
2. Broadening their horizons – Provide youth with new experiences and ideas. Take them places (whether in person, through a book, or online) they have not been or heard about.
3. Connect – Provide youth with people in your circle and community that can help them grow. Help them build the connections that will assist them in reaching their goals and dreams.

Developmental relationships take time to develop. By expressing care, challenging growth, providing support, sharing power, and expanding possibilities, adults can help to nurture these relations with the youth with whom they work. The time spent building these relationships will lead to positive outcomes, not only for youth but for adults too.

Source:

“Developmental Relationships Framework.” Search Institute, searchinstitute.org/resources-hub/developmental-relationships-framework. Accessed 13 Feb. 2025.